your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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