Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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