You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
