I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
