Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I cockslap morals
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
