I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
Randomize