went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
