Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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