I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Are we still banned from the library?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Sorry about my life...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
