I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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