I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
