Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
