I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
