Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
