Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
