It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize