Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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