toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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