My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
