why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
