ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
