My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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