it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
