At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
