My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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