Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
