Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Randomize
