Ambien. No doubt about it.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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