he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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