So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
