So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
