My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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