When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
