I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize