Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
