mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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