Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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