nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
