What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
