what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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