I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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