I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize