Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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