as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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