He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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