dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
