whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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