I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
