Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
