did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
so explain again why im purple
no
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
