i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
