He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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