8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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