I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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