No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
