none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
