Betty ford says i'm here all night
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize