I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
