Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
