do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
