so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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