I don't usually arrange sex via text message
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
