don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
