Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
