shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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