Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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