question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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