And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
