If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
