don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize