I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
