And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
