not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
