Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
