Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
