i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
