yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
