I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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