There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Mom said you looked used
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize