I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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