We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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