Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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