Got a toothbrush?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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