Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
