I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
