You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
