I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My vagina just clenched in fear
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
