wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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